sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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