this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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