There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
