So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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