he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
