I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
