Sry I called you an 8
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize