a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize