all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
