why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize