Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
