Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
