i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
