I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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