I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
