I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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