have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
