Please, let me fuck your mom
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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