Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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