mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
