That's intense
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
