I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
