hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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