I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
