Yo dont text me then not text me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
