He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
