I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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