When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i've created a new STD.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
