Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
