She is in my trunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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