We're facebook friends in real life
literally had 100 drinks last night.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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