Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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