After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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