I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
