Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
