Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
True college students do jello shots in the library
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