i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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