I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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