You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
