And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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