put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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