if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
