I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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