Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize