Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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