I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
