shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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