it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
