New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
