my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
