i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
