but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
