I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
