i think i have herpe
just one?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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