She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
