I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
