how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize