Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
