If i come over, it means nothing
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
