so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
