I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
