Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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