Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
