I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
