we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
