He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
