ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The best revenge is premature balding
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
