if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize